“I would never say no to sex.”

An interview with Nadeem.

Nadeem | Age: 63 | Location: London, UK | Born: Pakistan | Occupation: Taxi driver | No. of sexual partners: 200+

Why did you take part?

When we talked on the way to the airport, you seemed like a nice person to talk to. I think somebody might get inspired by my story or learn from my story. I regret some things sometimes, like coming to this country sometimes. 

What events in your life shaped your sexuality? What’s your story?

My story is my weakness for women. I was always into sex. In Pakistan, you always sleep together when relatives come visit. This is how it started off. I was very young 12 or 13. You make beds of the floor. So many people come! Once at night time I felt someone touching my penis. Very good feeling! I thought, “what is this?” Someone’s hand touching me. I knew who was sleeping there. She took my hands to touch her. She was trying to put my hands down there. So much congestion sleeping in the room. We didn’t have sex but we both enjoyed it. Next morning I couldn’t really face her. We both kept looking away. Next day she’s again trying to do things. I enjoyed it so much! She was American. Maybe she wanted to touch a boy of young age. She was probably about 40. She had kids. From then on, during other visits, I would try to touch other girls at night and they would slap me. 

Then it was the servant. In Pakistan we have servants. There used to be a girl whose mother used to come to do our cleaning. She was beautiful. I started touching her. I ended up making love to her. I was 13. It wasn’t really sex though. Constantly looking if someone wasn’t coming. Proper sex is when you’re in the room. It’s very difficult to fuck a girl in Pakistan. I’d take chances. In England, oh my god, why wasn’t I born here?! Kids here can go out and have all the fun they want kissing, touching.

I was very much into girls at 14 or 15. I really wanted to have relationships. I was very much popular growing up, I would say. When you grow up you get interested in girls. My first love started then. First day of college. Opposite my house there was a girls’ school. There was a girl who used to come to that school. We would peek at each other every morning. I used to stand outside of my house gate in the mornings and we’d just look at each other. I knew her brother. That’s how it started. I’d go to her home and then we started seeing each. We weren’t allowed to go on dates but we were dating. I wrote her a letter once day and threw it to her before school, and she did the same. We would see each other at night time too sometimes. 2 or 3 am when the parents were sleeping. I’d sneak out of my house. With rubber shoes that didn’t make noise. I used to go to her house. She used to welcome me at her big house gate. We used to go to a room upstairs not in use. Obviously her sister knew because they slept in the same room. We’d talk and talk and talk. We were kissing each other but we never ever had sex. Sometimes it went too far but never any intercourse. This carried on for nearly 3 years. She was at that time 14. I was 17. First love, you know. We talked what if we got caught, what would happen. And then it did happen. All of a sudden the door opened and it was her mother and brother. The brother started beating me up, big shouts and all. I used to sneak out before sunrise. That night their servant saw me coming in. He decided to tell her brother. He really beat me up badly. The mother came to me and said, “you don’t do things like this. The people who like each other ask for marriage”. At that time we didn’t have mobile phones. 1971 I’m talking about. I used to ring her house number. Sometimes it’d be her who’d answer. If it was her sister or mother, I’d hang up. I was trying to make contact. I knew she had friends, I’d ask them to give her messages. There was no response. It was as if she had been threatened. Maybe she was scared. After 6 or 8 months I heard that she got engaged. Then I heard that she was going to get married. The person she was going to get married to was my college fellow. So the day of the wedding my friends said “you must go” and I said “her parents and she agreed so what to do.” I tried to let it go. I was in Pakistan and I was really heart-broken. I really loved her. 1977 she got married. 

In 79’ my father passed away. I had to stop my studies because of that. 6 brothers. When the father passed away, we started fighting for the inheritance. Had a big business in Karachi that we needed to sell to share the shares amongst the brothers. A big house and a big shop had be sold. The younger brothers kept the house and the elder ones kept the business. Also my mother passed away when I was 12. After that I had a place to live but no business. My elder brother was in England and kept telling me to come. I thought things are only getting worse so let’s take a chance. See what happens. 

I took a flight in 1979. I went to see the World Cup, to be honest. The cricket World
Cup. The visas were given at the airport at that time. I had to take a risk. I was struggling already so I didn’t mind. I had a motorbike. I sold it to get my ticket and arranged for 500 dollars in a bank account. Most of my friends advised me not to go. They said I’d lose the visa money if they sent me back. The World Cup was a good excuse to come though. They let me in. The visa was for 2 months. I rang my brother and he came to take me to his home. Sister in law, she didn’t like me. “He comes to live with us” and all that. Hello brother. Stayed there for 2 days and they asked me what my plan was. I said I’d go back after the World Cup. I went to a few matches. I spent time with some cousins from Streatham. My brother was giving me lectures all the time. He was asking me to pay rent to him. It was very strange to hear that. My other cousins were asking me to stay with them. My brother was so selfish. 

My friend’s elder brother lived in Whitechapel. He said “come and see me”. When I met him I said, “I just want to go back, I have 3 weeks to go back, but I have little money.’ He said ‘I have a clothes factory; come and work for me’. They used to make lady skirts. I left my brother’s home because his wife wasn’t treating me right. I had very little stuff and I took a room in Stepney. 8 pounds a week at that time! I earned 70 a week. On the weekends I used to go see my cousins in Streatham. I used to play cricket with them. I love cricket. Everyone clapping, cheering. We used to go to the pub after to have a drink. There was a lady there once who came over and said “well done for playing in the game”. She was a very beautiful lady. She asked me for my number so I gave her my work number. 2-3 days later I had a phone call at the factory. It was her. “Remember? I saw you in the cricket match.” We decided to see each other. Obviously for me it was a white lady attraction. Green eyes. Very attractive! We had some coffees but that was it. I phoned her after a week and we decided to meet again. She came to Stepney. I picked her up at the station. That night we had a few drinks and then we went to my room and we made love. It was. I mean. A fantastic experience. It was all new for me. Very good. She stayed that night. It was very strange for me in the morning that she was still there. Next day she was again still with me. She stayed with me for 3 days. I wasn’t going to work. Morning evening all sex, sex, sex. Eating, drinking and sex. I thought “oh my god this is England”. When I came back to work, my boss friend asked where I’d been and he saw a mark on my neck. He asked me to start coming back to work. The woman didn’t go back to hers! It was a week now. It didn’t bother me. She kind of became a partner just like that. After a week she said she was going. I said ok. We phoned each other. We kept talking. Then she asked if she could move in with me. All my friends in the factory they said it’d be a problem. Said my freedom would go. But I was falling in love with her. We had feelings for each other. So she moved in. Meanwhile my brother was looking for a girl for me, to do an arranged marriage. I was running away from that. Also my visa expired. I stopped seeing my brother. In the factory I once went down to have a cup of tea and my boss friend told me not to come out of the cafe. Said immigration was looking for me. Only my brother and his wife knew where I worked. They reported me. They were upset that I disappeared. My boss friend sent me to another factory in Brick Lane. 

I was falling in love but it was too much too fast. I wanted her to live with me but also to not live with me. It carried on. One day my cousin found out I was living with a lady. He came there. He asked “are you going to marry her? Are you a muslim?” I decided to leave. I left the home as well. Halfway down I said to my cousin that I couldn’t do it. I said “inside my heart I’m not a bad man”. I didn’t want to break her heart. She was crying. She didn’t know my visa expired. My cousin said “why don’t you get married to stay” but I wouldn’t do that. I was afraid immigration would find me. I stopped seeing my cousins and my brother. I was in hiding. One night me and her we were drinking. She loved drinking. She was Irish. One night she said she had to talk to me. She said, “you tell me the truth.” She said, “you overstayed the visa and you are illegal. If i can help you, I would do that for you.” She said, “why don’t we get married?” I said, “no, I wouldn’t marry you to just stay. I would marry you if we decide to marry but not because of a visa.” I asked her how she knew. Apparently one of your friends came and tried to chat her up with a whisky one day. They told her I was using her. 

After another 8 months we were still together. She got pregnant. It was a big thing in my religion to be pregnant and not married. I did love her but now there was a big reason to marry her. It was my responsibility. We decided to get married. Then it was a big problem getting registered because they asked for my passport, which said I should have left the country 8 months ago. I went to the registrar office and heard them call the police. We ran from there and left my passport behind. I was without any ID. I went to the Pakistan embassy and made a new passport. Cut the story short, I got a permit. We got married. We had a daughter, then a son, then another son, then daughter. Life carried on. Everybody in my family knew I was married. The Home Office called me for the interview. They were very satisfied. I got indefinite leave to remain.

I was very hard working for the kids. I didn’t want my wife to work because of the kids. I think that was a big mistake. It made her an alcoholic. Nothing was ever cooked for the kids. I used to get them take away all the time. We’d have arguments. I asked myself was it right to get married. I did everything for her. I found out she was from a broken home. Father was an alcoholic. She went into care and stayed with her aunt. She used to mistreat my daughter. It really bothered me. She used to get jealous. We were married for 18 years and when I’d come home, I’d get mistreated. She was always drunk. I used to leave her money for the house and family but it all went to drinks. I tried to take her to rehab. She used to blame me for drinking. That I didn’t give time to her. She wasn’t taking any responsibility. 

I didn’t want to have more children but we had another child and another child even though she said she was taking precautions. Nothing I could do. I used to walk out. Slam the door. She used to break things, shout at the kids. Social services started coming to my door. Kids weren’t properly dressed. She used to swear at the servants from social services. I started minicabbing. Got some help from my family to open a restaurant in Walthamstow. I cost me 55k to build it up. It was beautiful. I did it all for the family and I lost it because of her. She used to come to the restaurant drunk and act stupid in front of my customers. She used to come and shout at my staff if she wanted money. My business got really bad. She come all the time. Police was called a few times. She broke my front house. I had to sell the restaurant and made a big loss. 

We were evicted from the council house because of her being antisocial. My wife would bother my neighbors, calling them racist names. She married a Pakistani man and yet. They reported her. 5 families got evicted. We were one of those families.Once that happened, our family split. We got kicked out. I took a 2 room house and I took the 2 younger kids. Elder daughter went to a hostel for a while and my son was gone with the mother. I really didn’t know what to do. My daughter was 6, my son 9. I stayed with my friend for a year and a half. From there I got temporary accommodation. My wife got a very good flat in docklands. When I was living with the friend she asked for the kids. When the judge said I should have the custody and she started to swear at him. I got the kids. She wanted to see the kids but it had to be with a supervisor. I still used to take them over at weekends. She started to act up again and she lost that house. She was drinking and not paying rent. She got thrown out. 

Then she actually got diagnosed with a cancer and in 2011 she passed away. She was in a hospice. That’s the first time she said she was sorry. She called the kids and said to them that she lied to them about me. She said to them that I was good, that I always tried to help her get out of the drinking problem. She took responsibility. I could have left them but I stayed. She said thank you for taking care of the kids. She always asked when I’d come back. One day she just said goodbye and that’s the day she died. She knew. That’s it. From there the new story starts. 

All of a sudden I receive a message on Facebook. “Hello Nadeem can you give me your number.” Phone number? Who is that? It was Salma, my first love. She found me on Facebook. She rang me and said, “hello.” Oh my god. This voice. She said she was sorry to hear about my wife. My friends told her when she went to Pakistan to visit. She said she kicked her husband out. That she had had problems. That she hadn’t been happy but had to accept the parents will. She went to New York. She wanted to contact me before but she knew I was married. Then she found out my wife passed away. We started talking to each other a lot. I decided to go to New York to see her. We met and I stayed at her place for a week. We met after 32 years. And that was...I can’t tell you the feeling I had. It was very good feeling. I could see her happiness in her face. She also suffered a lot because of her marriage. She was a good wife and raised her kids well, they all had degrees. Her husband was a womaniser and a gambler though. Everything they had was because of her family. She wants to get married to me. But my daughter is an issue. She is only 18. If she would come to New York it would be ok. But my daughter said no. So I invited her to come to England. But I am not very established here. I am struggling. She on the other hand has a very good business. She said, “come here and run my store and petrol station. You can come no issue. With or without your daughter.” I said, “I can’t leave my daughter.” 

We kept talking. We still phone each other. I said I can’t leave unless my daughter gets married. Salma can’t come because of the business. So from there, now we are not on very good terms because she doesn’t think I want to marry her. Also what would her kids say? A man coming to sit on her business. Her kids would interfere. If I had enough savings I would have gone there and invested. Then I’d be happy to run business with her. Instead of asking her for a job. She thinks that I don’t love her because I’m not taking any steps to marry her. If we were on the same level it would be a different story. I have seen her lifestyle, she has the money. She goes and gets designer bags for 4k dollars. I come from a rich family but I’m not rich anymore. She’s angry with me. 

My family back home wants me to settle down and marry someone. Plus if I go home tomorrow I have a property there. I have a shop that I‘ve rented out. I can live comfortably there. I can’t really leave my daughter, all my kids are here. I think they’d become homeless without me. I keep telling them they have to take responsibility. I also have a relationship in Pakistan that is sexual. I really love that relationship. Even though she is a Pakistani lady, she really is good in bed. She is the reason for me to go back to Pakistan. She’s my cousin. Well, married to my first cousin. I liked her from the start. She really fancies me. At weddings she used to look at me. But she’s still married to my cousin. One day she came to London. She had my number. “Nadeem, I’m here.” Before that we never had any relationship. I had a feeling she liked me. And I liked her too. She hugged me like a western person. I was surprised and we went to get a coffee. We had some drinks. We kissed each other and it was so good. Second time I brought her to a place and we had some drinks again and we jumped into bed. She likes me so much. I just grab her and she’s wet. I cuddle her and she’s wet. When I go inside her, she goes. This woman! Believe me. 7 or 8 times she has orgasm with me and I’m just starting. This woman I don’t know what her body does but believe me. She asks me to do things to her. She does lots of things with the tongue to me. She loves it. At first we were very scared. In Pakistan, if you’re not married the police can raid you and start a case. I’m very scared when I go there. It’s all family. She sees me and wants to go on dates with me. She already told her mother. Her husband can’t perform sex for the last 18 years. He had a brain tumor. She is only there because he is ill. He has dementia. She makes clothes and sells them. I feel guilty inside me. She wants to get married to me. They are almost divorced. She can’t kick him out though because he is so ill. She has no problem seeing me openly. It doesn’t look right to me to get married to her when her husband is so ill. It’d be shameful. She’s coming in March, her daughter lives her. She’s introduced me to her daughter, who knows about our relationship. 
 

What were the aha moments in your sexual journey?

I am quite active. Women really attract me. I get lots of chances and if I get the chance I don’t miss it. Good looking women I go for. Love is different. This American lady I love her and at the same time she won’t take it if I’m talking to someone else. It’s my need, nothing to do with her. I’ve been single since I’ve lost the restaurant. I didn’t leave any opportunity if I got one. 
 

What does sex mean to you?

Everything. I mean. Without sex, I’m finished. Nothing matters in life without it. If I were to not get erections, what’s the point of living? I would never say no to sex! Recently I had a customer in a cab. I used to pick her up very often. She was very racist. I was wearing a t-shirt. She said I was very hairy. She said she wanted to go to an off-licence. She said, “I’m going to get some beers.” And she said, “can I sit in your car and drink.” I said if she wanted me to I could take her somewhere. She said, “I know what’s going to happen.” I said, “I can’t let you drink in my car.” She was worried something wrong would happen. We went to my brother’s place. She sat in front of me, and started to drink, can after can. And she said she really hated Pakistani people. She said we take away English work. She asked me to have a drink. After that believe me, she started to touch me. I said to her, “you’re the one who is touching me.” She asked me to fuck her. She said she hasn’t been with a man for 3 years. I didn’t say no. She opened my zip and started sucking me. She said, “you better be a good one.” She was with me all night. She loved it, she was getting mad, shouting, making noises. She didn’t want to go in the morning. She was living with her husband but he didn’t have erections. I didn’t want to see her again though, she was very racist.

What’s difficult about sex?

Nothing!

What do you most enjoy about sex?

The orgasm of the lady I love it. That’s the most important thing. When a lady gets an orgasm, then I know I’ve done my job! Honest to god, that gives me so much satisfaction. There have been times when I have been too quick. Then they don’t want to see you anymore! That was a long time ago though. I know I can make every lady satisfied! I don’t enjoy it if a lady doesn’t come. If the woman don’t come, then she doesn’t like the person she’s having sex with. If she likes the person, she will come. In NY this lady she said, she’d have orgasm with her husband once in 10 times. With me she has an orgasm every time! 

How often do you have sex?

If I get the chance, everyday! I love doing it with different people. I’m not the type of a man to stay with one person. I was sincere with my wife but I found other women attractive and slept with them. 

Do you masturbate?

No. I see porn sometimes. When I’m not getting any relationships. I love finding new things from porn. 

What specific things (e.g. techniques) have you found, alone and with partners, that have led to more pleasure in your sex life? 

With the ladies the thing that gives me most pleasure is when they are spending time on my nipples. Kissing, doing things with the tongue. The nipples are my weak spot, very tender for me. I get very excited.
 

How do you see sexuality portrayed in the society and how does it make you feel?

In Pakistan things have changed a lot. Now it’s not a huge deal if someone is having sexual relationship with someone. There, if you’re not married it’s not great but it’s changing slowly. 

What’s advice would you give to others?

My advice would be especially to Pakistani parents. If they find their daughter loving someone they shouldn’t force her to marry someone. It’s something for their whole life. Salma, she devoted everything to her family and now feels like committing suicide. She says, “at the end of my life nothing happened for me.” She could spend so much money, but inside she isn't happy. 

A few women I slept with, they actually enjoyed toys. In the beginning it was very strange. At first I thought, “it’s not right”, but then in sex it’s like with war, everything goes. Now, I love it! Talking bad, slapping, enjoy! Today I think if someone wants to enjoy something, why not? 

Is there anything you want to explore?

Everything!