“I didn’t really get much attention, and when I did, I’d get so nervous.”
An interview with Lucy.
Lucy | Age: 30 | Location: Spain | Born: UK | Occupation: Chef | No. of sexual partners: 11
Why did you take part?
Remember chatting about it and was intrigued.
What events in your life shaped your sexuality? What’s your story?
When I was growing up, my sister had big tits and juicy lips and a big bum. I had braces, always really short. I never really developed boobs. Because of this hormone thing that I had. I didn’t really get much attention and when I did, I’d get so nervous. It was such a big deal and that time shaped me a lot. It took me a lot of time to open up and think “oh yeah I am pretty.” To develop trust with people, and men. My sister had these gorgeous boyfriends. I was always in the same friend group. I was always just the little sister. We lived in a little village. It was only once I left the village that I realised I’m more than a little sister. Losing my virginity was actually nice. I left it till quite late. It became a bigger and bigger deal. I think I was 20 when it happened. It was a big deal. I built it up in my head so much into pressure pressure pressure. In the end I’m happy it happened how I had planned it. The guy was a really nice guy. I’d always go for the guy who was a bit of a dick and a player. That’s what I liked but also probably I protected myself since they never really wanted a relationship. Then I started to see that it’s not doing me, or my confidence, any good. I realised I needed to look for nice men who’d make me feel good and treat me nice. My parents are super open and supportive. I’m kind of the baby in the family and they’re all quite protective. They pushed me out when I was 18 because they knew I had to be pushed out.
What were the aha moments in your sexual journey?
Obviously meeting my husband. Up until him, I was really protecting myself. I kinda rejected guys without meaning to. I didn’t want to get too involved, I was scared of sex and things going wrong. I just rejected most people. I tried to reject him but he wouldn’t let me. He was just like trying to come to see me everyday. He was really patient with me. He’s the only man I ever orgasmed with. I remember the first time I had an orgasm I was like ‘what’s going on?’ It was just 4 years ago. Being in love makes a hell lot of a difference to sex.
What does sex mean to you?
It’s a beautiful way of being together, now anyway.
What do you most enjoy about sex?
Just the feeling of it. Closeness and intimacy. Feels really nice. Nice thing to do together.
What’s most difficult about sex?
I love it now!
How often do you have sex?
Twice a day when he’s around. Mostly evening and middle of the day, not planned. It’s feast or famine. 3 weeks away, back for 2. He’s off in summer and winter.
Do you masturbate?
My husband works away a lot so yes! Just with my hands.
What specific things (e.g. techniques) have you found, alone and with partners, that have led to more pleasure in your sex life?
You get to know each other well when you’re together. He’d probably get more bondagy if I were up for it, but I’m not that open to it. Different positions, a spectrum between soft and rough. I like the different it can be depending on your mood.
How do you see sexuality portrayed in the society and how does it make you feel?
I was and am more affected by people around me.I had a body of a kid for ages and it was all this unexplored realm. All my friends and sister were developing boobs. I didn’t get my period for ages. I wanted to get involved. I don’t dwell on Instagrammers or magazines. I don’t think it affects me much. More the people that I’m around.
What advice would you give to others?
Love yourself, you’re worth it. It’s a cliche but it’s true. I still need to do more of that work really too.
Is there anything you want to explore?
Not pressingly but I will as things unfold naturally.